How to Heal the Hurt Through Forgiveness

When you’ve been hurt by someone, it’s common to feel resentful. You may harbor this resentment for years, perhaps waiting for an apology or for something to happen that would “right the wrong.” Forgiveness may seem impossible, as if it would be disloyal to yourself to even consider forgiving those who hurt you.

Time may only make you more upset, offended, cynical, or detached. You might direct your resentment onto other people who don’t deserve it. As fair as it is to feel hurt over the incident, it may seem as though you are mired in the misery and resentment of the situation without relief.

Eventually, as you notice how toxic and damaging resentment is, you might want some relief. Although it is harder, fortunately you can forgive people without receiving an apology. You may begin to realize that forgiveness does not mean that what had happened is all right; but rather, that, as you are forgiving, you can move on from hurtful events.

First, you must stop blaming yourself for other people’s inappropriate behavior, and acknowledge that they really hurt you. Begin to abandon the experience of acting like a victim and acknowledge that you didn’t deserve their disrespectful behavior. Forgive yourself for any role you played in the incident, and recognize that you did indeed survive the experience.

And last, but perhaps the most difficult part of the process, is your recognition that the person who has hurt you has probably had personal experiences in their life that have resulted in their behavior. They probably would have acted in a different way if their life were more nurturing past to develop understanding and wisdom. Once you are able to understand that, the painful experience and how it relates to your life will make more sense, and you can appreciate the learning experience that resulted from the situation.

You will finally realize the powerful gift that forgiveness is as you complete the healing process. You will experience relief at being able to let your resentment go and you will be able to make more room in your life for consideration and compassion. If you would like to read more about forgiveness I would recommend Sidney and Suzanne Simon’s book “Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get On With Your Life.

Joan Miller, Ph.D. is an Atlanta Georgia marriage counselor who helps clients learn helpful strategies to improve their relationships. She is one of the many talented marriage counselors you will find on

61 - Winner or Victim? (Practical Spirituality)

Do you accept to be a victim or you brush your shoulders after getting down and dirty and just keep going? I wanna know, because I have a message for you: You have NO choice! Ocean of Heart My ONLINE Art Port-folio: Winner Victim Victory Victimhood Strong Spirit Self Pity Practical Spirituality Discipline Power Abuse Gain Loss Shovel Crap Beauty

The funeral of the Coptic Christian Martyrs of Alexandria in St.Minas Monastery

Bomb hits in Saints Coptic Orthodox Church at New Year Liturgy 1-1-2011. At least 25 reported to be Dead 1-1-2011: Cairo: A car exploded in front of a Coptic Christian church as worshippers emerged from a New Year’s Mass in the Egyptian city of Alexandria early Saturday, killing at least 25 Christian Coptic people, officials said. After the blast, enraged Christians emerging from the church clashed with police and stormed a nearby mosque, prompting fights and volleys of stone throwing with Muslims, police and witnesses said — a sign of the sectarian anger that has been arising with greater frequency in Egypt. Nearly 1000 Christians were attending Divine Liturgy at the Saints Church in the Mediterranean port city of Alexandria, said a priest at the church, Father Mena Adel. The service had just ended, and worshippers were leaving the building when the blast went off, about a half-hour after midnight. “I was inside the church and heard a huge explosion,” Adel told The Associated Press. “People’s bodies were in flames.” The blast came from a car parked outside the church, but police said they were still investigating whether the car had been rigged with explosives or if a bomb had been placed under it. Witnesses reported seeing the charred chassis of the destroyed car, with the remains of several bodies nearby and dozens wounded. The Interior Ministry said in a statement that seven people were killed and 24 wounded. There was no immediate claim of responsibility for the